There is room for us all to shine…

“Don’t compare yourself to others, there is no comparison between the Sun and Moon. They each shine when it is their time”

One of the most fulfilling experiences I have the privilege of offering in the work I do is coaching and mentoring people to support them in achieving their dreams, aspirations and desires.

Often though I am saddened by the blockers people put in their own way in realising their dreams. A combination of Imposter Syndrome borne of the high pressured world we live in whereby many of us create perceptions in our minds in which we believe those around us must be thinking negative things about our ability, the quality of our work and even whether they like us or not.

The result of this crooked thinking can mean that we become so self-absorbed with what others think of us that we then in turn believe the only way we can be seen as ‘the best’ or ‘the favorite’ is to make those around us look bad or incapable.

What’s most frustrating for me when I am in the position of either coach or mentor is the challenge of opening peoples eyes to see this is the mindset they have gotten themselves into, regardless of the fact I can see it, they need to themselves identify it before they can adjust their thinking to be open to the notion that there is room for us all to shine. In fact, the biggest turn around in mindset is those people who realise helping others to be their best selves’ results in an even stronger sense of self-worth and greater personal achievement.

Many of us will have observed conflict in the workplace, and certainly, for me, working in HR presents a great many situations in which I am expected to somehow intervene, mediate and smooth things over! And we do our best… but do we really address the root cause of the issue and the resulting conflict.

I have observed a few examples recently where there is serious conflict between people and one of the issues is that each person believes their version of “the truth” or perception, is the only version of reality. Yet really what we all too often do is misinterpret the signals, and the words being said. We can all “hear” but do we truly “listen” to what those around us are saying.

Our own unique perception is the lens in which we each see our own version of reality, it is how we choose to interpret a situation and in turn how we react.

This is where my interest in Emotional Intelligence comes in. I strongly believe, based on research and from my own personal observations that people with high levels of Emotional Intelligence and self-awareness have greater levels of success, both professionally and personally.

Here’s the thing … we can all develop our Emotional Intelligence skills. Unlike IQ which is said to peak at around the age of 19, our EQ grows with us throughout our adult life.  So why do so few of us seek to improve our EQ skills? Lack of desire, unawareness, Ego?? Ask yourself the question?

None of us are ever the finished article, but for those that have the curiosity to learn, the humbleness to recognise we have room to grow, and the empathy to spot how we impact those around us I believe greater success, happiness and fulfillment can be achieved.

I have an opportunity ahead of me which may or may not work out as I imagine, whatever the outcome, I know it will be the right path for me. However, there are moments right now in which I wonder whether I will achieve the goal I have set out for myself, and it crosses my mind often that what may stop me achieving this goal is people getting in my way. This is useless and not a helpful mindset, the reality is, other people will not get in my way – only I will get in my way if I perceive the path ahead of me to full of blockers. Instead I consciously practice reframing these crooked and unhelpful thoughts, and prepare myself for enjoying the experiences ahead of me by learning new skills, in partnership with those around me. I am confident that in most instances the truly meaningful things we achieve in our lives have been realised with the input, support and guidance of others rather than through conflict and negativity.

Take a moment to reflect … what do you consider to be your personal achievements? How did you get there, did you really do it alone, or were there supporters on hand alongside helping you along your way? Did anyone else‘s “shine” really ever stop you from achieving your aspirations? Whether you answered yes or no to these questions, it is worth remembering that the more self-aware, emotionally intelligent and open minded we are the more likely we will be able to see situations with clarity and have a truer picture of “reality”.

We are all unique, and in some cases we are total opposites like the sun and the moon. Yet, both have their place, and both shine.

Be you, and shine … but while your shining don’t forget to help those around you shine too.

Go ahead DREAM BIG : BELIEVE BIGGER