“This is my dream and I’ll decide where it goes from here”
Alice In Wonderland …
Choosing your dream is one thing but choosing the mindset to go with achieving it is quite another. No doubt at some point in your life you will have come across people that somehow manage to always see the negative in any situation, they believe that whenever anything goes wrong it’s someone else’s fault, they build up a perception that life is somehow against them and convince themselves that people are purposely out to get them. This attitude which is often referred to as a ‘victim mindset’ breads pessimism, cynicism, and ultimately much unhappiness. A ‘victim mindset’ can be seen not only in individuals but also in teams or groups of people, as the old adage goes; “behaviour breeds behaviour” and one person’s negative perception of the world can easily rub off on those around them, especially those that work closely together.
Perhaps at some stage in your life you haven’t just observed this in others, but you’ve experienced it in yourself. We aren’t perfect and at times things can feel like they are getting on top of us. However, we do all have choices and we all have our own individual thoughts, feelings and minds which are incredibly powerful. Developing your self-awareness and recognising when those around you are negatively impacting you is a life skill that can contribute to great success.
I know that there have been times in my life where I have had the misfortune of witnessing a ‘victim mentality’ in people, my perception is that they behave in this way as they see the success of others as a threat. But why compare…??
We’re all so amazingly unique, so why do we have this innate need to compare ourselves to others? The explosion of social media, I’ve no doubt has exacerbated this need – many people strive to be perceived as living a ‘perfect’ existence. While beneath this social media boom there is evidence to show what a detrimental impact social media can have on our mental health if we don’t carefully manage our usage. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a pitch against social media – in fact I am a fan but for all ‘my’ right reasons. For me it’s about; local news updates on Facebook, HR networks on Twitter, home furnishing inspiration on Insta and the joy of Linked In (well, that’s a whole other story!) but what I need and use social media for is quite likely to be different to you.
It’s the same when you think about your own unique definition of success. We all strive for something different, and that difference is what makes each of us so fascinating. That’s why I love to work with people, and a career in HR has given me so many opportunities to learn and observe human behaviour… the good and the not so good!
I truly believe it is never healthy to compare oneself to others, I also believe it’s a good thing to play to our strengths. Of course, we should be striving to grow and stretch ourselves but knowing what we are great at and accepting that some things are just not part of our life’s path I think shows a deeper level of self-awareness. I learned this lesson early on in life … I was desperate [like many little girls] to be brilliant at ballet. I went along to classes and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get it. Eventually instead of ballet being something I looked forward to and enjoyed, it became a chore and something I dreaded. I knew even at that young age what I was actually looking for was a creative outlet and thankfully I had parents who encouraged me find my own version of success, and so I discovered music. I joined the school orchestra and became highly skilled in both Clarinet and Saxophone – achieving grade after grade each year. Being part of the orchestra helped me build my confidence, I was painfully shy as a child but having to be on stage performing with others helped me to overcome some of this fear … I pushed my own boundaries and managed a few solo performances at a young age and discovered how to connect with an audience. This is something I’ve continued to push myself with as my career has developed through speaking at industry events and conferences.
I have been in many situations where I have felt that others have underestimated me and what I am capable of … the trouble is when you compare yourself to others you are in fact underestimating yourself, so I have found ways to move myself away from this perception and focus on my dreams, my path and my unique version of success.
The thing to remember is, we all have choices and if you are in a situation where the thing you are doing, or the place you are working in is making you unhappy, stop and do something about it, take ownership, find a solution. Rise above the pessimism, push yourself out of the ‘victim’ zone, break free of the negativity. And never, never compare your version of success to others.
“COMPARISON, don’t compare your life to others. There’s no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it’s their time.”
Unknown
All photography credited to https://chanellejade.com/ @neljadephoto
DREAM BIG : BELIEVE BIGGER 
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